WORDS

Whether verbally spoken or in sign language and in any other language, words have the power to build or destroy, bring forward or push away. They have the ability to mend a broken heart or tear it to pieces, create a vivid imagination or dilute an illicit thought.

As you already know, words are everywhere. Things and people are named a word, each one having its meaning by which the person or thing is usually implied as. For example, someone speaks the word “tree” and your thought automatically conceives a tall brown and green thing that stands. You may even imagine it in the midst of a forest or park. You may have named your child that specific name because of its meaning or sentimental value, but at the foundation, rather good or bad, it has its definition.

A child will learn the sound of a word to then pronounce it. During their elementary school age they learn what a word means, but may not learn the power it holds until…

As tweens and teens we learn the function of a word and use our creative aspects to give it power, but may not comprehend the extent of its power, until…

As adults we learn and determine the words potential and, whether right or wrong, we sometimes use it beyond its recognition.

For example, the word “dog” was originally granted to identify a specific animal. In today’s culture, “dog” is slang term for friend and perhaps (depending on how you look at it) the description of a woman. The Oxford Dictionary historic meaning of the word “bitch” is a female dog. But the evolution of language has added implications, and has transformed it into an insult. www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary adds its definition as “a lewd or immoral woman, a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman. Something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant.”

Be honest, you read the word “bitch” and its original meaning was nowhere to be found within your intellect. In fact, you probably announced, “oh my god!” before you continued reading.

Being an only child wasn’t easy – her Papi’s princess, her Mami’s rival. Whatever she wanted he gave, while Mami yelled, finding motive without explanation. - Reminiscence chapter 1, page 1

We use with and without knowing its affect

As I wrote before, during a child’s elementary years they learn a words pronunciation and definition. Their little minds soak up all it can, which includes precise words that we parents don’t want them to learn. The simplest one’s are stupid or retard and so many more. And though, we may not directly teach them to our kids they hear it from us, other adults and other children. The words unfortunately become weapons towards their friends or the kids they or their friend decide not to like. And, unfortunately, the same words make a U-turn and strike your child in the process.

Our boys and girls enter the tween and teen years discovering other words that are not found in the proper English, Spanish an any other dialects dictionary. Or, they’re learning a new meaning to the various words that at one time were innocent. The words stupid and/or retard evolve into fat and/or ugly followed by vulgarities that you and I would slam anyone for speaking them to us. We may not know about it, because of their personal involvement and evolvement which was discovered in this new found age. It has convinced them that speaking with mom and dad is useless for the reasoning fact that, they know nothing.

You remember those days?

The questions I have for you…

Are you watching what you say to your sons and daughters? How about when they’re with you and you’re speaking with another adult?

For some reason we’ve come to the false truth that just because our children are near us doesn’t mean they’re really listening. Your thoughts are, they’re watching TV or reading a book.

Surprise, surprise… Our children are very good at pretending and we adults choose to ignore that fact. Just because their little eyes are glued to the TV or book, doesn’t mean their ears are clogged. It also doesn’t mean that their mouths didn’t gape when the special “F” or “B” and “S” words spit out of your mouths. And, please don’t be surprised if they go to their best friends and share, “Mommy” or “Daddy said…” 

Think about the many times you may have, knowingly or unknowingly, called your daughter and/or son ignorant or worthless. Or, perhaps you didn’t say the exact word, but implied it by gesturing an offense. We don’t always realize, but should take note of their reaction and the after affects.

How often have you spoken and not realize your friends or neighbors child is listening? This question may have had you thinking, What do I care what their child does? But, if their parent doesn’t care and you don’t care, then who will?

Little Jay and Kitty

Little Jay and his mommy were standing in front of their home when she decided to play a detective game with her son. Mommy pointed to the grassy road between theirs and the neighbor’s house. Pretending to be suspicious, “I wonder what’s back there.”

He says in a mischievous squeak, “Go take a look.”

Mommy looks at Little Jay, “Come with me,” and extends her hand.

Without a second thought he smiles and says, “What wrong? Are you a pussy?”

Mommy stared in shock and he stares back questioning her expression. In a bothered tone she asked, “What did you say?”

He repeated it, but in a small and shaken voice, “Are … you … a … pussy?” obviously not knowing the truth behind the words improper use.

Walking toward Little Jay she asked, “Where did you learn that word?”

“School.”

Do you know what that word means?” He responded a silent no and she continued, “Well, I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t want you to say it again.” She lifted her eye brows, 

“Okay?” and waited for his answer.

“Okay.”

The story above was an actual conversation I had with my youngest son.

If anyone knows how to explain that the word “pussy” no longer only means “kitten” but, in fact has several other meaning, please share.

What I find surprising about myself is that as straightforward as I am with my boys, this one incident had me stuck. His innocence didn’t understand, but his obedience agreed to not using it any more.

How do I know? He doesn’t even say it to describe a cat or kitten.

Personal experience

I grew up in a home with both my parents. But, the expressive words “I love you” was a limited sentence and hugs were a limited gesture.

What were very present were the hurtful words that continually dissolved my self-esteem. How often did the word, “retard,” explode? So many times, that I actually thought that there was something mentally wrong with me. “Stupid” came after I failed a test or was unable to complete my homework.

I grew up not knowing how to cook a proper meal, which by old fashioned standard is impermissible in the Puerto Rican culture. But, it’s not that I didn’t want to learn. It was because after very little tries my mother would yell me out of the kitchen, “Get out! You don’t know what you’re doing!” The special “F” or “B” and “S” words were never spoken and I believe it was because of the lack of English. But then, I could be wrong since I was raised in religious home.

When I hit junior high the quiet and practically nonexistent little girl exploded into an attitude problem. You looked down at me and I’d get into your face. I remember when one of my schoolmates noticed one of my reactions. Her mouth dropped, “Wow! You changed.”

Okay, so I became noticeably loud, straightforward and sarcastic. The reason … I bottled everything up.

I didn’t dare to speak with anyone because my parents were well-known and upright people whom were so nice to everyone else and I never spoke to them about personal issues. The reason… If they spoke to me the way they did and I barely did anything, imagine how they’d react if I shared all else with them?

Believe it or not they loved me. They just simply didn’t know how to express it correctly.

This is how I came to know…

Many years later, after 15 years of marriage and purchasing our second home, my mother came to me and apologized for treating me the way she did. Her exact words (in Spanish), “This is how I was treated and thought that it was the correct way.”

I had already forgiven her prior to that conversation, because I had dedicated my life to God and had learned that everything has its reason. That truthful reasoning had me reconsidering on how I speak to my boys.

There’ve been moments where my character has gotten out of line and after several minutes (and sometime days) I’ll humble myself and say, “I’m sorry.” I’ve even apologized to my husband. The several times that I haven’t recognized my husband and sons will make me aware. Proud to say that I’ve given them that permission, for I’d rather humble myself and learn early than losing out at the end.

Final Note

Don’t allow your words or anyone else’s words destroy you or anyone else.

I know, it’s not always easy to pause and think about your next sentence when it comes to a one-on-one battle with your rival or friend. Though it takes time to learn, please learn.

Take control of the TV shows and the movies and the music you allow yourself and your child to see and listen to. Their mind, heart and soul feel the impact of suggestive words. Their character and language become infected by what they hear and see.

You may have grown up in an environment like mine. Perhaps it was smoother. Perhaps it was worse and more that anyone could imagine. Personal determination and my encounter with God helped me become who I am today. Why not make a personal determination of your own and do the opposite of what you did prior to now, despite of it not being easy. Decide to build yourself, your spouse and children into the predestined success by speaking life filled words into their lives.

Lil Child by Marisa Morales-Lopez